Stress

Yesterday was a particularly stressfully call day for several reasons. The two that I will mention are that I only slept from 5am to 5:30am and during post call rounds I looked and felt incredibly stupid. On my post call morning I presented two of my new patients to my attending, only to be shot down by what seemed like never ending questions that I did not know the answers to. Mind you this is in front of my whole team of other residents who knew some of the answers, but of course I was the one being asked so they kept quiet or mumbled things under their breath too soft for me to understand. I had done mostly everything right (my patients were being appropriately cared for) but I did know the specific reasons why we’re doing certain things, what do we do next, what is going on specifically and why, what tests will prove this and what would we have done if things were different. When I haven’t slept the answer is “I don’t care! I just want to go home and go to bed!”

I went home feeling pretty stressed, but resolved to do some extra studying on my next day off. As much as I do want to have kids I felt so grateful at that moment when I finally laid down that I do not have any children. I feel guilty enough that my husband does not get the attention he deserves, and as I understand, children require even more attention than husbands!! I think my current situation, one husband and no kids, is best for my mental health during intern year. I don’t know how I could handle intern year if I were single; I very much need the support from my husband. And, as great as I hear having kids can be, I know some added stress comes along with that and I’ve got enough stress for the time being.